Fargo Maven

Larry Johnson knows a thing or two about terrorists. Before he started his own consulting firm that specializes in counter terrorism and money laundering investigations, Larry Johnson worked with the CIA (1985-1989) and the Department of State’s Office of the Coordinator for Counter Terrorsim (1989-1993). Since 1994 he has helped script terrorism exercises for the U.S. military forces that have the counter terrorism mission. Mr. Johnson also has served as an instructor for the U.S. State Department’s Anti-Terrorism Training Program, where he has lectured on Current Terrorist Threats and Trends and on International Accords for Combating Terrorism to officials from more than 45 countries.

SO…when he posts an essay titled “Still Clueless After Six Years” regarding President Bush’s remarks in his State of the Union Address about terrorism, I sit up and listen. Here’s what he has to say:

“George W. Bush still does not get it. He insists that the terrorists hate us because of our freedom. NO THEY DON’T!!!!!! What sheer, utter nonsense. If you don’t understand the task or problem at hand how can you come up with an appropriate fix? This is part of the reason that the Bush Presidency is in shambles. Call it the hubris of stupidity.”

“Let’s start with the basics. There is no such thing as a terrorist. There are individuals who engage in terrorist acts and many of those persons are affiliated in one fashion or another with a group of some sort. But ‘terrorist?’ Doesn’t exist as an entity in and of itself.”

“The groups most keen on doing us in at the moment are Islamic extremists, largely Sunni, who swear allegiance of sorts to Osama Bin Laden. And what does Bin Laden want? God’s rule on earth. He sees the United States as a godless nation, full of pedophiles, drug addicts, and prostitutes. He sees a nation that tramples on the rights of other people in order to suck their natural resources from the ground. For Osama it is about faith and obedience. It has zippo to do with ‘freedom.’”

“Now, if you paid attention to the Bin Laden check list it probably reminded you a bit of the agenda of our own American religious extremists. What rich irony. A President waiting for the rapture complaining about Islamic extremists who want to destroy us because we are sinners.”

“That’s where the real battle needs to be waged. We need to confront religious extremism and intolerance. The President who presides over a Republican party committed to harassing homosexuals, denying global warming, preaching creationism, and sneering at science is frankly just a couple of steps removed from Islamic crazies hunkered over their prayer mats and praying to Allah.”

“At least most people of faith in the world–Christians, Moslems, and Jews–are not fanatics. Unfortunately the helm of two countries–the United States and Iran–are in the hands of such fanatics. It is an uncomfortable truth but it is still true. When a President consults his Father in heaven about the decision to invade Iraq, pray tell how that mindset differs from an Osama Bin Laden who is convinced that his God told him to strike the evil in America. Religious nuttery is nuts regardless of the particulars of the theology.”

“Left unsaid by George Bush is this terrible fact–his religious crusade to spread the faith of freedom in a land split between Sunni and Shia factions remains intact. God save us because our man of faith is still intent on going after the other religious kook in Iran.”

Read the original here.

It is getting more difficult than ever to find a reasonable, credible person – Republican or Democrat – who does not think the latest “strategery” offered by our president is anything more than one last, lame, desperate stab at either salvaging what is left of his potential “legacy” or, at the very least, kicking the whole mess down the road for the next president to inherit.

As usual, Andrew Sullivan (yes, he IS a conservative and a former supporter of the war and of Bush) again says it better than I can:

“The premise of the speech, and of the strategy, is that there is a national democratic government in Baghdad, defending itself against Jihadist attacks. The task, in the president’s mind, is therefore to send more troops to defend such a government. But the reality facing us each day is a starkly different one from the scenario assumed by the president. The government of which Bush speaks, to put it bluntly, does not exist. The reality illumined by the lynching of Saddam is that the Maliki government is a front for Shiite factions and dependent for its future on Shiite death squads. U.S. support for the government is not, therefore, a defense of democracy in a unified country, whatever our intentions. It is putting the lives of American soldiers in defense of the Shiite side in an increasingly brutal civil war.

“What we will discover in the next few months, therefore, is simply whether the entire premise of this strategy is actually true. The president is asking us to find this out one more time. He seems to disbelieve the overwhelming evidence on the ground – that the dynamic has changed beyond recognition. His intellectual rubric – democracy versus terror – has not changed to deal with fast-changing events, or to take account of the sectarian dynamic that his appallingly managed occupation has spawned. And so his strategy is no surprise. It would have made sense in 2004, when so many of us were begging for more troops, only to be dismissed as fair-weather warriors, terror-supporters, or lily-livered wimps. We were right. This president was disastrously wrong – and clung to his disproved strategy in the face of overwhelming evidence, supported by the Republican right regardless, until it simply became impossible to sustain the lie any longer.

“If the president tonight had outlined a serious attempt to grapple with this new situation – a minimum of 50,000 new troops as a game-changer – then I’d eagerly be supporting him. But he hasn’t. 21,500 U.S. troops is once again, I fear, just enough troops to lose. The only leverage this president really has left is the looming regional war that withdrawal would bring. Yes, if we leave, the civil war will take off. And if we stay, with this level of troops, the civil war will also take off. One way, we get enmeshed in the brutal civil war in the region. One way, we get to face them another day, and perhaps benefit by setting them against each other, and destabilizing Iran. That’s the awful choice this president has brought us to. Under these circumstances, I favor withdrawal, while of course, hoping that a miracle could take place. But make no mistake: a miracle is what this president needs. And a miracle is what we will now have to pray for.

“He will do what he wants, of course. Even if the bulk of his own party balks, along with the Democrats. Even if the casualties mount, and the civil war intensifies. Even if failure becomes more and more entrenched. The logic of his speech is that we can never let go of this disaster, that it is our fate for the rest of our lives, and that his job is merely to pass it on – deadlier than ever – to whichever unlucky sap gets to inherit his office.

“To back this anemic reponse to the escalating civil war requires us to abandon our empirical sense and the lessons of the past four years. To back it requires us to trust this president as a competent, deft and determined leader. Do you? Can you? At this point? After all we have seen?”

I see Linda Coates has started a blog and recently weighed in on the Iraq issue on the Hot Talk blog and drew a firestorm of comments from the “commie sympathizer black ops” crowd. Yeesh.

Let’s wake up from this nightmare, accept reality, refuse to sacrifice one more American or Iraqi life for King George’s screwed up legacy, and return to rational thinking and responsible governance. Happy New Year, y’all.

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let’s stop all the fight

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun

Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now…

Blogging or partisan nastiness? Both, apparently.

I’m assuming we all had much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Abundance of family, friends and food, combined with an absence of bombs falling on our houses. There are far, far too many places in the world that do not have this happy combination.

No links to brilliant articles by smarter writers than me, no cutesy stories, no recipe swapping. Just a few random thoughts, then perhaps over and out.

Great American Blog-Out – As a former smoker myself, I view tomorrow’s Great American Smokeout day with a big sigh of relief. As in, “Thank God I don’t have to go through THAT again!!”

Quitting smoking was tough, every single one of the hundreds of times I tried it. Nicotene gum, hypnosis, cold turkey, I tried them all. My favorite (the tobacco companies should thank me) was succumbing to temptation and buying a pack of cigarettes, greedily smoking two or three while standing outside the Stop-N-Go and then, in a fit of dizziness and self-loathing, throwing the rest of the pack away. Did I ever go back to dig it out of the trash? Draw your own conclusions. Non-smokers out there – yes, it’s incredibly disgusting, isn’t it? Former/present smokers out there – don’t start with me. We could all swap worse stories than that.

Blogs – ah, they’re also addictive little buggers, aren’t they? It starts with reading just a few, in the evening, maybe with a glass of wine, and before you know it you are obsessively checking your favorites throughout the day and cursing under your breath when they aren’t updated HOURLY, damn it! Themes to weave into your own lame blog start to insinuate themselves into your (supposed) work hours until you realize that you are in a serious avoidance pattern that will eventually catch up with you.

So I am saying goodbye. Will I dig Fargo Maven out of the trash from time to time? (I’ll leave this question hanging for you to get in your digs).

Last random self-indulgent thoughts:

- Thanks for the comments and challenges. It’s a fun, bizarre and often challenging invisible online community. I may succumb to the temptation of posting a comment on your blog from time to time (followed by self-loathing? probably not).

- I do love Fargo, maybe too much. I started this blog with the hopes of highlighting wonderful things about Fargo – events, places, people – but it quickly morphed into mostly a political blog. Oh well, so it goes.

- Thanks to Forum Communications for putting this very user-friendly opportunity out there for folks like us. It’s a cool thing, and a great outlet for individuals in the community to speak out about their passions and opinions.

See ya!

UPDATE – The tale of our erstwhile lone terrorist in Fargo has a happy ending:

If the hysterical campaign warnings are true, one can only assume that the Terrorist Hordes are marching through Casselton right now — we’d better put down our lawn rakes, slip the Bison football tickets into an envelope for the paperboy, turn off the lefse griddle and prepare.

Actually, we might want to take a deep breath and remember that we have quite a bit of experience in welcoming newcomers into our midst. Imagine if a terrorist – oh, let’s call him Muhammad Fatta-al-Fingal – should happen to wander into Fargo on his American Prairie Jihad…
STOP-N-GO CLERK: Hi there! Would you like anything else, then?

FATTA-AL-FINGAL: Infidel! You should not speak with your face uncovered! It is an abomination!

STOP-N-GO CLERK: I’m sorry, sir. Will that be cash or charge?

FATTA: Cash! Credit Cards are an American abomination!

STOP-N-GO CLERK: You betcha. I tell you, you are so right on that. Uff da, credit cards – I am up to my eyeballs…there’s your change, sir, you have a nice day now.

FATTA: You are a shameless, brazen woman. Tell me, where can I find the leader of Fargo?

STOP-N-GO CLERK: You mean the mayor? Denny Walaker? Um, sometimes he’s at City Hall, or else he’s driving around town in his City of Fargo SUV. Just go downtown and ask around, I’m sure you’ll find him.
…

FATTA: You there! Infidel Brazen Woman!

MARGIE BAILLY: Are you talking to me?

FATTA: I wish to find Fargo’s leader. Take me to him.

MARGIE BAILLY: HIM?? What makes you think Fargo’s leader is a him?? I tell you what, Mister, why don’t you come into the Fargo Theatre and warm up first, you look a little chilly in that dress, if you know what I mean. Would you like some popcorn?

FATTA: Allah Akhbar! What is this popcorn? Is it forbidden pork fat?

MARGIE BAILLY: No, no, no, you’re thinking of Emeril. This is Tochi’s best organic popcorn and real butter. That will be $1.50.

FATTA: Abomination! There you go. Tell, me, where is your leader, Al-Walaker?

MARGIE BAILLY: Beats me, we’re optimistic about our grant to fix the roof and I’m happy as a clam. I don’t have any reason to try to bug Denny. Look, why don’t you go down the street to the Old Broadway and pester Randy Thorson, he’d probably know where to find him.

…

FATTA: Alcohol! Everywhere! Brazen Women! Everywhere! And what is that on the screen, the Oakland Raiders? Abomination!!

RANDY THORSON: You’re telling me, the Raiders suck this year. Can I help you, sir?

FATTA: Finally a nice-looking man to help me. I am looking for your leader, Al-Walaker.

RANDY THORSON: My wha…?? OHH, right. Yes. Well, the mayor was just in the back room a little while ago on the radio with Scott Hennen, he’s doing another remote from the OB Grill today. Say, if you hurry back there, you might catch Scott and his “Hot Talk” show. Not too many Bush administration guys eager to talk these days, he might just have time to put you on the air. Go ahead, right back there – tell Scott that Randy sent ya.

FATTA: Blessings on your family…Hello, are you Mr. Scott Hennen?

SCOTT HENNEN: …and now we have two years of the MoveOn.Org/Cindy Sheehan/Michael Moore wing of the Democratic party to look forward to as they cut and run from Iraq, trash our great economy, impose crazy moonbat environmental policies, tie up Washington with hearings and subpoe…excuse me? Hello?

FATTA: Are you Mr. Scott Hennen? I bring you greetings from Mr. Randy Thorson. Oh, and I also bring you warnings of jihad. We will destroy your Fargo and its abominations.

SCOTT HENNEN: Nice to meet you sir, have a seat. Have you worn headphones before? Here, let me help you…let’s just slip them over your headscarf here…almost…ah! There we go. Comfortable?

FATTA: Yes, very nice. Thank you.

SCOTT HENNEN: So! Ladies and gentlemen, we have an unexpected guest here today, a Mr…?

FATTA: Muhammad Fatta-al-Fingal.

SCOTT HENNEN: Mr. Muhammad Fatta-al-Fingal – as in Fingal, North Dakota?

FATTA: What?

SCOTT HENNEN: Well, before we get to your jihad info, let me just ask if you are thrilled with last Tuesday’s elections.

FATTA: What?

SCOTT HENNEN: The elections. The Defeatocrats. The Terrorist Lovers. The Cut-And-Runners who just took over our Congress. “Al-Qaeda Wins!” That must be great news for you.

FATTA: Well, to be honest, an American is an American to me. Abomination! Brazen Women! Your presence is an excrescence on all our holy lands, from Saudi Arabia to Afghanistan!

SCOTT HENNEN: Afghanistan is holy land to you folks?

FATTA: Well, not so much, but the poppy business is booming again, and that always helps.

SCOTT HENNEN: I see. So what are your plans here in North Dakota? Cozy up to Team North Dakota? Conrad, Dorgan and Pomeroy are all Democrats, I’m sure they’d welcome you with open arms.

FATTA: I am here to frighten your Fargo! You are all infidels and we will establish a new caliphate all across the globe! Allah Akhbar!

SCOTT HENNEN: I see. How, exactly, do you plan to frighten Fargo? Frankly, you don’t look all that scary to me, and you must be awfully chilly in that dress.

FATTA: Again with the dress! Discomfort means nothing to me! My jihad starts tonight! Be afraid!

SCOTT HENNEN: Tonight? Probably not a good idea, tonight is church night.

FATTA: ?

SCOTT HENNEN: Wednesday night is church night in Fargo. You’ll never get a good turnout on a Wednesday night. Well hey, good luck with your jihad thing, thanks for coming in and talking with us. Next up, we’ll talk with my good friend Karl Rove, exclusive here on Hot Talk, from Washington DC. He’ll share his insights with us on the Democratic defeat last week and what it means for more Republican redistricting.

RANDY THORSON: Good job, Mr. Fatta. Can I get you some lunch? The special today is OB Bison BBQ Burgers.

FATTA: Bison? What is Bison? No!! I have been distracted enough. My jihad continues! I am off to find your Fargo City Hall. Allah Akhbar!

RANDY THORSON: OK, see ya. Have a good day.

…….

FATTA: (muttering to himself) These Americans, they are so friendly and polite. But they are infidels! Stay focused, Fatta! Now to find this City Hall of theirs, maybe it is this very tall white building just ahead, it lo—AAAIEE! (FATTA has fallen and struggles to get up) What is this! Foul creature! Wild, heathen colors! I-”

BRAD WIMMER: Whoa there, sir, are you ok?

FATTA: What happened?! Who are you?! WHAT IS THIS DREADFUL CREATURE?!!

BRAD WIMMER: Steady there, sir, there you go. This is our Bison, you must just have run into him while you were walking.

FATTA: Again, Bison!! What is this Bison?!

BRAD WIMMER: Well, a bison is a great creature that used to roam the prairies by the hundreds of thousands. This is one of our Bison, from a community public art project called Herd About the Prairie. Many artists painted them, in many different styles, they were sold to raise money for the arts, and they are now placed all over town. Pretty cool, huh?

FATTA: Hmph, cool. It is I who am cool, this cold weather is terrible!

BRAD WIMMER: Look, there’s a coffee shop next door, why don’t we step in so you can warm up, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.

FATTA: (through chattering teeth) Y-you are very k-kind, thank you.

BRAD WIMMER: Don’t mention it. Here we are – Babb’s Coffeehouse. Two coffees, please. So, are you new in Fargo? What’s your name? Do you have business here?

FATTA: My name is Muhammad Fatta-al-Fingal and-

BRAD WIMMER: (shaking his hand) Nice to meet you Mr. Fingal, I’m Brad Wimmer. That’s my shop next door.

FATTA: Pleased to meet you. Yes, I am new to Fargo, and I do have business here! I am here for jihad! I am in search of your leader, Al-Walaker!

BRAD WIMMER: Well, maybe I can save you some time. I’m one of the city commissioners, can I help you?

FATTA: You are an elected leader? But where is your bodyguard? Your armor and weapon?

BRAD WIMMER: (chuckling) We don’t need any of that here – it’s a pretty peaceful place. Except for occasional skirmishes over bike racks, it’s pretty laid back.

(Several people enter the coffeeshop, one spots FATTA and invites him to join them.)

ABDULLAH: Hello, Brother, would you like to join us?

FATTA: Thank you, that is most kind. Are you having some sort of meeting?

ABDULLAH: No, just several of us from the Islamic Center getting together for a cup of coffee.

FATTA: Islamic Center??

ABDULLAH: Yes, we have a community here in Fargo-Moorhead of around 4,000 people, and plans to build a new Mosque in South Fargo in the next few years. What brings you to Fargo?

FATTA: I come for…jihad?

ABDULLAH: Really? Jihad, huh. Well, you might not have much luck with that around here.

FATTA: Because of Wednesday church night?

ABDULLAH: No, no. Actually, this is our community, too. Our members are doctors, professors, factory workers, teachers, parents, strong members of the community. There are families here from South Asia, the Middle East, North and East Africa, Europe, and a growing number of local converts. We also work to help our Christian and Jewish neighbors understand Islam better as well.

FATTA: ?

ABDULLAH: So you see, all the crazy talk about terrorists around every corner and Democrats surrendering the country, it’s just that. Crazy talk. Sorry you got caught up in that. We are actually working for peace and understanding – here at home and around the world.

FATTA: I see. Hmm. The people seem to be nice here, although it is VERY cold. And I still would like to speak to the Al-Walaker.

ABDULLAH: Yes, it gets a lot colder than this, you might want to let us take you shopping – just a dishdasha alone will not be very warm for you.. And I’m sure the mayor would be happy to meet with you. Come join us for prayer services whenever you like.

FATTA: Thank you, I will.

…………

FATTA: Thank you for your directions, sir, I see the City Hall entrance.

MAN ON STREET: No problem, have a good day.

…………

FATTA: (knock, knock)

DENNIS WALAKER: Come in!

FATTA: Are you Mayor Dennis Walaker?

DENNIS WALAKER: I am. And you are…?

FATTA: I am Muhammad Fatta-al-Fingal, I am honored to meet you.

DENNIS WALAKER: Call me Denny, nice to meet you too. What can I do for you?

FATTA: Well, sir, I came here for jihad, but before I continue with that mission, I am interested to know more about your city.

DENNY: Welcome to Fargo! It’s a great place to live. I hope you stay for a good long time. Fingal…is that any connection to Fingal, North Dakota? No? I have a cousin in Fingal. Did you see my airplane collection?

FATTA: Very nice, very nice. I assure you, I know nothing of airplanes.

DENNY: Like I said, this is a wonderful place to live. Good schools, good parks, an award-winning downtown area – did you see our award for the Renaissance Zone? We went out to Portland to receive that. We’re busy working on alternative energy here in Fargo, too, I’m very committed to that. Good neighborhoods, safe and attractive. Excellent street crews, let me tell you. It can be a challenge, that’s for sure, especially in winters when we get a lot of snow (you might want to think about some long johns under that fine dishdasha of yours). Yep, lots of snow can really cause problems here in Fargo. We’re on a flood plain, you see, and back in 1997 there was one heck of a flood…

And Muhammad Fatta-al-Fingal lived happily ever after. In Fargo.

I knew today’s press conference sounded funny. I mean, President Bush was all, like, “The Democrats want to protect our country just like the Republicans do.” WHAT??? I don’t get it, what happened to the terrorist invasion that was just over the hill if the Democrats won?

I was feeling pretty disoriented until I read the always-brilliant William Saletan’s “Stay the Course: The Press Conference Bush Wanted To Give.” Aaahh, now THAT has the cozy ring of familiarity!

Enjoy:

Press Conference by the President
The East Room

1:01 PM EDT

THE PRESIDENT: And now I’ll be glad to answer some of your questions. Mike.

Q: Mr. President, about the Democrats’ victory in yesterday’s elections –

THE PRESIDENT: Now, wait a minute, Mike. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I wouldn’t be calling it a victory just yet.

Q: Well, sir, terminology aside, the Democrats have captured the House -

THE PRESIDENT: See, that’s what I mean. Getting ahead of ourselves. As though the enemy has already won.

Q: The enemy, sir?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, not exactly the enemy. I just mean their sympathizers here at home. The enemy here. You know, the Democrats.

Q: Ah. OK. Well, to get back to the point, sir, the Democrats did win the election –

THE PRESIDENT: Define “win.”

Q: Well, they won the House. And if the returns hold true in Virginia and Montana -

THE PRESIDENT: See, that’s what I’m talking about. Just because the enemy has been able to make some progress doesn’t mean you cut and run. Quite the contrary; we ought to do everything we can to help prevent them from making progress. And that is what our strategy is. Elaine.

Q: Mr. President, the AP has called Montana for your opponents. You’re down several thousand votes in Virginia. You’re down, what, a dozen seats, at least, in the House. Why fight on? What do you hope to achieve?

THE PRESIDENT: This notion of cut and run, I just don’t accept that, Elaine. Look, this is a conflict between a radical ideology that can’t stand freedom, and a moderate, reasonable people that hope to live in a peaceful society. I’m confident in our mission because I believe in the power of liberty. We have a plan for victory, and we will succeed. Jim.

Q: Sir, with all due respect, I’m confused. What exactly did you achieve in this election? Can you name a state where your party picked up seats in either the House or the Senate?

THE PRESIDENT: Look, this is a hard fight, no question about it. But I believe that the strategy we have is going to work. We’re building a Republican majority that can sustain itself, govern itself, and defend itself. I have great faith in our commanders on the ground to give the best advice about how to achieve victory. We’re giving them the confidence necessary to come and make the right recommendations here in Washington, D.C. We’ll give them the flexibility necessary to make the tactical changes to achieve victory. And so we’ve made changes, we’ll continue to make changes. But we have the right strategy and the tactics necessary to achieve that goal. Terry.

Q: Mr. President, about the Senate race in Missouri.

THE PRESIDENT: I’m glad you brought that up, Terry. Missouri is the central front in this war. It’s going to take a long time, but I’m confident we will succeed there. And the reason I’m confident we’ll succeed is because Missourians want to succeed. A defeat there – if we were to withdraw before the job is done, it would embolden extremists. The only way we lose in Missouri is if we leave before the job is done.

Q: But, Sir, your candidate there, Sen. Talent, has conceded.

THE PRESIDENT: Well, we have our differences with Sen. Talent from time to time. He’s a good man. In this case, I just think he’s wrong. We’re confident we can achieve the mission there. Jessica.

Q: Mr. President, I’m not sure I understand your position here. The election’s over.

THE PRESIDENT: Look, I understand here in Washington, some people say it’s over. I know that. They’re just wrong in my opinion. The enemy still wants to strike us. The enemy still wants to achieve safe haven from which to plot and plan. And we must do everything we can to protect the American people, including questioning detainees, or listening to their phone calls from outside the country to inside the country.

Q: I’m sorry, Sir. Do you mean, listen to the Democrats’ phone calls?

THE PRESIDENT: Only if one party is outside the country. Our lawyers have vetted this. David.

Q: Mr. President, how do you plan to deal with the Congress you’ll be facing when your party vacates its majorities in the House and Senate next January? What issues and proposals will you put on the table?

THE PRESIDENT: I’m sorry, David, I just don’t accept your premise. This notion of, you know, a fixed timetable of withdrawal – I can’t accept that. That’s defeat. Withdrawing on an artificial timetable means we lose. You can’t leave until the job is done.

Q: Sir, it’s in the Constitution. You have to leave office if you’re voted out.

THE PRESIDENT: Dick, is that true?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: We’re working on it, Mr. President. There’ll be some changes to that in the conference report with regard to the new terrorist surveillance provisions. But for now, yes.

THE PRESIDENT: Well, we’ll get back to you on that, David. Listen, thank you all. See you on the campaign trail.

It’s a bright sunshiny day – some thoughts about the elections, Rumsfeld’s resignation, and his Iran-Contra alum replacement.

GOOD NEWS – We won, and won big. Not only did Dems take the Senate, take the House, unseated hundreds of Republicans in state legislatures all over the country, but also didn’t lose a single senate seat, didn’t lose any House seats, didn’t lose any governorships, and didn’t lose any state legislatures. It was a rout of epic proportions.

We are now looking at Democratic committee chairs which will perhaps make the biggest difference of all in terms of steering the policy wagon out of the ditch.

GOOD NEWS – North Dakota picked up several outstanding Dem legislators, which will bring much-needed balance, energy and fresh ideas to a legislature that has let North Dakota fall far behind its neighbors in energy development and forward-looking economic development. SAD NEWS – some truly fine people ran good campaigns, but came up short.

HILARIOUS NEWS – Listening to Limbaugh’s radio show today (for just a trip across town, not prolonged listening) was like listening to my kids prattle in “Opposite Day” lingo. Wow, talk about surreal. Conservatism didn’t lose, Democrats didn’t win, etc. etc. Waiter, I’ll have whatever he’s having…um, well maybe not.

GOOD NEWS – Rumsfeld resigns. Wow, what a shocker. I just watched George Bush during his press conference saying that he had already decided to fire Rumsfeld last week. Funny, last week Bush insisted that “fantastic job” Rummy would stay for two more years. So Bush’s own spin is that he was lying through his teeth last week. Good to have that confirmed in his own words.

BAD NEWS – for “Boy Genius/Turdblossom” himself, Karl Rove. Although he is responsible for every successful election in George Bush’s entire political career, Bush wasted no time in pointing the first finger: “‘I obviously was working harder in the campaign than he was,’ said Bush.” Ouch. Too bad that all that “hard work” ended up costing the election to every Republican he appeared with on his final “Kiss of Death Tour” campaign swing through several embattled Red states.

BAD NEWS – Although it seemed like a good idea to have a former CIA chief Gates take over as Secretary of Defense (like, maybe he would take intelligence reports a little more seriously), I didn’t realize it was that CIA chief, the one who was wrapped up in the Iran-Contra scandal.

Robert M. Gates was the Central Intelligence Agency’s deputy director for intelligence (DDI) from 1982 to 1986. He was confirmed as the CIA’s deputy director of central intelligence (DDCI) in April of 1986 and became acting director of central intelligence in December of that same year…Independent Counsel found insufficient evidence to warrant charging Robert Gates with a crime for his role in the Iran/contra affair. Like those of many other Iran/contra figures, the statements of Gates often seemed scripted and less than candid. Nevertheless, given the complex nature of the activities and Gates’s apparent lack of direct participation, a jury could find the evidence left a reasonable doubt that Gates either obstructed official inquiries or that his two demonstrably incorrect statements were deliberate lies.

Oh, well that’s much better. As long as they weren’t deliberate lies. The Bush Family Rolodex strikes again.

Update: It looks as if Gates, who is on the James Baker Daddy-Bush-Rescue-Squad Iraq Commission, may be just what the doctor ordered to turn this thing around from a reality-based perspective. Let’s hope so. There’s an interesting assessment of him here.

Well, it’s back to work. Enjoy the sunshine.

If this doesn’t make you happy you live in North Dakota, I don’t know what will – here’s a look at what Republican desperation across America is spawning in this election:

Fake Dem Robo-Calls: – This year’s Tickle Me Elmo of dirty Republican Congressional Campaign Committee tricks: The phone rings and you hear a cheery voice say, “Hello, I’m calling on behalf of Candidate Dem, blah blah blah” and you hang up, since you have already made up your mind to vote for Candidate Dem. A little while later, the phone rings again – a duplicate call. Annoyed, you hang up the phone. SEVERAL CALLS LATER, you are really steamed, and severely annoyed at that damn Candidate Dem for calling you repeatedly and even waking you up in the middle of the night with their #@%$$# recorded messages. Here’s the fun part – if you listen all the way to the end (which they’re betting you won’t), you will eventually hear negative messages about Candidate Dem, and finally the required “paid for by the Republican Congressional Campaign Committee” tag. This is happening in several states.

They’re After Our (White) Women – Surprising in this day and age, but always good for a percentage point or two. Never mind the notorious Playboy blonde bimbo “Call Me!” ad or the “Jungle Drums” radio ad attacking Tennessee Senate candidate Harold Ford, Jr., check out what the New York Republicans are sending out: does this photo intend to convey the message that if Democrats are elected, swarthy men will come rape your women? Nice.

Fake “Volunteers” and Lying Brochures – From the GOP handbook of Maryland politics:

(1) Recruit homeless men in Philadelphia;
(2) Bus them into Maryland;
(3) Arrange for the Republican governor’s wife to greet them upon their arrival;
(4) Outfit them in hats and T-shirts for the governor’s re-election campaign;
(5) Have them pass out flyers in heavily Democratic areas that erroneously identify the GOP candidates for governor and U.S. senator as “Democrats.”

And now the grand finale, Voting.

From across the country are coming the reports of machines not working, voters being called ahead of time warning them that if they show up to vote they’ll be arrested, faulty polling information being disseminated, outright ballot stuffing in Utah where there are 4 TIMES more voters registered in Daggett County than there are residents, touch screens that, when Dem. Claire McCaskill’s image is touched, the vote is recorded for Rep. Jim Talent, etc. etc.

While the world watches to see if we Americans conduct our elections with the integrity and fairness of a banana republic (no offense meant to bananas everywhere), let’s be thankful once again for our own dedicated, fair, conscientious poll workers (and paper ballots with opti-scan readers) here in good old North Dakota. The campaign is finally over, PLEASE GO VOTE TODAY!

I’m waiting for children to ring the doorbell, demanding treats I bought guiltily at the last minute at Hornbacher’s, along with other sheepish procrastinators who shared smirks and shrugs as we pawed through the remainders. I’m finally relaxed after the frenzy of hanging the skeletons in front of the door, fighting with the tangled orange lights (note to self, remember to untangle the dang things inside – they stiffen up in cold, along with fingers) and rummaging through the house for the multi-tap extension cord. What’s that you say? Untangling lights at 4:30? Yes, I always think I’m going to be as cool as the neighbors and adorn our house with fetchingly gruesome Halloween decorations weeks ahead of time while it’s still warm, but I have YET to manage it. I’m the frantic one who tries to work the front porch magic (lamer each year) before the first urchin arrives.

I’m assuming the cold weather kept most of the kids away this year – I find myself giving great handfuls to the first hardy little ones who showed up, assuming the rest are probably trudging the circuit at West Acres instead of braving the windy neighborhoods. The latest batch, however, were lively pre-teens who had actually bothered to don costumes, so I’d better start scaling back the rations.

Well, it’s now 7:15 and it looks like the family will have some serious chocolate to consume this year (DARN the luck).

It always strikes me as funny, in a dark, Lewis Black sort of way, that Halloween coincides with the final, bloody fang-slavering, soul-snatching, screed-screaming death throes of Election Week.

BE AFRAID!! BE VERY AFRAID!!!

Whether it’s October movie trailers (blecchhhh) or district-hopping Air Force One landings, the message is the same: FEAR! FEAR! PRIMAL, MIND-NUMBING FEAR!!!

I’m sick of it.

Frankly, I’m assuming we have all made up our minds as to whom we’re going to darken the oval for come November 7. Actually, the North Dakota races have been pretty civil – although there has been some heated rhetoric back and forth, it has actually been about the issues. Yay, participatory democracy.

I say, let’s take the North Dakota spirit of civility, impassioned discussion of ideas, and pragmatic approach to problem-solving to those knuckleheads in Washington. Here’s hoping that the next few weeks will bring about a change in spirit in America – fear is for Halloween.